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coordinator
#1 Posted : Tuesday, July 06, 2010 9:34:40 PM
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A student's academic success depends more on hard work than on intelligence.

Write a unified essay in which you perform the following tasks. Explain what you think the above statement means. Describe a specific situation in which a student's academic success might depend more on intelligence than on hard work. Discuss what you think determines whether a student's academic success depends more on hard work or on intelligence.

Instructions:
In 30 minutes, write an essay for the prompt and instructions above.

Use the Notepad accessory on your computer so word processing functions are turned off.

Note: Do not read other essays replying to this prompt on the Forum until after you have written and submitted your own essay.

Scorer: Nickie Lovat is a medical student at the University of Manitoba who can be reached by email at nickielovat@gmail.com.

How to submit your essay for scoring:
1. Post your essay in this thread on the Forum and Nickie will post her comments and score here.
2. Email your essay to nickielovat@gmail.com and Nickie will email her comments and score back to you.

Deadline to post or email your essay: 11:59pm Monday July 12
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sampsons
#2 Posted : Saturday, July 10, 2010 11:15:50 PM
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Post secondary education today offers numerous options to prospective students. While some might be interested in the traditional university undergraduate degree others may be interested in trade schools or community colleges. These two different types of schooling depend on different qualities for success.

Trade schools and community colleges often have a very hands-on approach to learning. Success is based more strongly on the ability of the student to master and perform skills that will be directly transferable to a workplace. An example would be a student studying at a community college to become a pastry chef. The student may understand all the concepts taught to them (i.e. proper techniques for using an icing bag or how to mould fondant), however, simple understanding is not enough as it requires practice to perfect theses skills. This is where hard work comes in. A students willingness to put in the time and extra effort to perfect their culinary skills will be directly reflected in their success both at school and in their future career.

On the other hand, a traditional university undergraduate degree (i.e. a history major or biology major) is based heavily on test and exam performance. Success is this type of schooling requires intelligence - the ability to understand what is explained in the classroom, memorize it, and apply it on an exam. Someone who struggles understanding concepts in a physics class, will likely be unable to attain the same level of success as someone who has no problem understanding the concepts, no matter how much hard work is put into rereading notes or redoing practice problems. This is because the type of intelligence needed to comprehend this specific type of knowledge may simply not be there.

The qualities required for a students' academic success depends on the type of education they chose to receive. Success at a community college or trade school that has a curriculum based on hands-on learning will depend more on hardwork and the effort that the student puts in to practice and master the skills taught. Success at a more traditional university will be based more strongly on intelligence and the student's ability to understand concepts and apply them on written tests and exams.
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nicolelovat
#3 Posted : Sunday, July 11, 2010 1:00:52 AM
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- See below for in-body corrections
- Excellent flow, vocabulary and sentence structure.
- Overall EXCELLENT definitions, arguments and examples. You stuck with the statement given.
- The only thing missing were clear definitions of hard work (example: practice) and intelligence (example I.Q.). These should be explicit, although it is evident from your examples that you know these definitions and are consistent with them.


Essay:
Post secondary education today offers numerous options to prospective students. While some might be interested in the traditional university undergraduate degree (COMMA) others may be interested in trade schools or community colleges. These two different types of schooling depend on different qualities for success.

Trade schools and community colleges often have a very hands-on approach to learning. Success is based more strongly on the ability of the student to master and perform skills that will be directly transferable to a workplace. An example would be a student studying at a community college to become a pastry chef. The student may understand all the concepts taught to them (i.e. proper techniques for using an icing bag or how to (mould) SPELLING fondant), however, simple understanding is not enough as it requires practice to perfect theses skills. This is where hard work comes in. A students (STUDENT'S) willingness to put in the time and extra effort to perfect their culinary skills will be directly reflected in their success both at school and in their future career.

On the other hand, a traditional university undergraduate degree (i.e. a history major or biology major) is based heavily on test and exam performance. Success is this type of schooling requires intelligence - the ability to understand what is explained in the classroom, memorize it, and apply it on an exam. Someone who struggles INSERT 'TO' understanding concepts in a physics class, COMMA NOT NEEDED will likely be unable to attain the same level of success as someone who has no problem understanding the concepts, no matter how much hard work is put into rereading notes or redoing practice problems. This is because the type of intelligence needed to comprehend this specific type of knowledge may simply not be there.

The qualities required for a students' academic success depends on the type of education they chose to receive. Success at a community college or trade school that has a curriculum based on hands-on learning will depend more on hardwork CORRECTION: SHOULD BE TWO WORDS i.e. 'HARD WORK' and the effort that the student puts in to practice and master the skills taught. Success at a more traditional university will be based more strongly on intelligence and the student's ability to understand concepts and apply them on written tests and exams.



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caga
#4 Posted : Monday, July 12, 2010 3:46:05 AM
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Christopher Langhan, a 44 year old American citizen is most famously recognized as having the highest IQ in the world- measured between 195-210. As a promising young academic who mastered the subjects of calculus and advanced physics by the age of 12, Mr. Langhan was offered a full scholarship to Duke University upon which he accepted. After choosing to leave university after the first month, Christopher Langhan is now a bouncer in Long Island earning roughly $30,000 a year as reported by 20/20 and other sources. Christopher Langhan perfectly demonstrates how academic success depends on effort rather than intelligence. Parents, teachers and other mentors will correctly stress to their respective trainees that ‘hard work pays off.’

Blood, sweat and tears prove much more beneficial than sheer intelligence, which is defined by a person’s IQ. One of the most prominent examples of this is the Medical College Admissions Test (MCAT). This exam tests a student’s knowledge of basic physical and biological sciences up to a first year university level as reported by the American Association of Medical Colleges (AAMC). Due to the standardized nature of this test, statistical analyses performed by various organizations such as Princeton Review, Kaplan and Prep 101 repeatedly confirm that more hours studying correlate to a higher test score, rather than a correlation between intelligence and academic successes.

While hard work does pay off, natural intelligence does not go unnoticed. This is extremely evident in the academic world of research and discovery. Albert Einstein, arguably one of the most significant contributors to the physical sciences had a reported IQ of approximately 190 which is well above average intelligence. Careful analysis of his brain chemistry along with reported statements claim that Einstein’s superior intelligence allowed him to stare into the fourth dimension- time without much effort. This superior intellect gave him the ability to make accurate academic conclusions regarding the space-time continuum and relativity, something which could not have been achieved simply due to hard work.

The issue of intelligence versus effort is a heated topic among the academic community and is difficult to resolve. Nonetheless, as a guideline, a student’s academic success depends on hard work as long as the academic circumstance is of a standardized nature such as the MCAT, a definitive example of a standard exam that measures effort. However, if the academic situation is of an innovative nature such as the discovery of something, intelligence plays a major role in determining the success of the academic discovery.
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tuvy
#5 Posted : Monday, July 12, 2010 7:03:41 AM
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A student's academic success usually depends more on hard work than on intelligence. Hard work is defined as the process of dedicating a large and sometimes excessive amount of time, and effort to a given field of study in an academic setting. Academic success is defined as receiving a high grade. Hard work is more important for high grades in courses where a lot of memorization is required, such foundational or lower level courses. An example of such a course is grade-school English, where an emphasis is placed on grammar and spelling. Another example is Clinical Anatomy, where academic success is largely contingent on memorizing human body parts and their functions.

However, academic success depends on intelligence rather than hard work for higher level courses where critical thinking, problem solving, and integration of knowledge is emphasized. Intelligence is defined as an individual's ability to comprehend, reason, and apply knowledge in a useful and productive way. These higher-level courses require more than the simplistic regurgitation of data. They build on previous knowledge and places vital importance on one's ability to thoroughly understand, and apply this knowledge to solve problems. For instance, university-level English courses requires one to produce creative writing, marks are alloted to style, creativity and insight. To do well, one does not neccessary have to work hard, but rather, just write well. To write well, one requires intelligence. Likewise, a research course in Pathobiology requires higher-level thinking where intelligence, creativity to "think outside the box" and integrate information is more important than the amount of hard work one puts in.

In conclusion, a student's academic success depends more on hard work in a lower-level, memorization type course, but depends more on intelligence in higher-level, critical thinking type courses.
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nicolelovat
#6 Posted : Monday, July 12, 2010 4:27:39 PM
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Feedback: 4.5/6
- See in-text corrections below
- Various sentence structure problems that detract from the quality of thought & examples
- Excellent examples, great definitions. Should include a definition of 'success'.
- Try to stay more balanced: don't be too harsh on intelligence in your first section, and be more forceful when arguing that intelligence can also determine success.


caga wrote:
Christopher Langhan, a 44 year old American citizen COMMA is most famously recognized as having the highest IQ in the world- measured between 195-210. As a promising young academic who mastered the subjects of calculus and advanced physics by the age of 12, Mr. Langhan was offered a full scholarship to Duke University upon which he accepted. GRAMMAR: UP WHICH HE ENROLLED? After choosing to leave university after the first month, Christopher Langhan is now a bouncer in Long Island earning roughly $30,000 a year as reported by 20/20 and other sources. Christopher Langhan perfectly demonstrates how academic success depends on effort rather than intelligence. Parents, teachers and other mentors will correctly stress to their respective trainees that ‘hard work pays off.’

Blood, sweat and tears prove much more beneficial than sheer intelligence, which is defined by a person’s IQ. One of the most prominent examples of this is the Medical College Admissions Test (MCAT). This exam tests a student’s knowledge of basic physical and biological sciences up to a first year university level as reported by the American Association of Medical Colleges (AAMC). Due to the standardized nature of this test, statistical analyses performed by various organizations such as Princeton Review, Kaplan and Prep 101 repeatedly confirm that more hours studying correlate to a higher test score, rather than a correlation between intelligence and academic successes. GRAMMAR: '...THAT THE NUMBER OF HOURS STUDIED CORRELATES WITH A HIGHER TEST SCORE...'

While hard work does pay off, natural intelligence does not go unnoticed. PERHAPS POOR CHOICE OF WORDS: 'IS STILL AN IMPORTANT OR KEY FACTOR'. This is extremely evident in the academic world of research and discovery. BETTER NOT TO USE A SPECTRUM OF 'EVIDENT': SOMETHING IS EVIDENT OR IT IS NOT. Albert Einstein, arguably one of the most significant contributors to the physical sciences COMMA had a reported IQ of approximately 190 which is well above average intelligence. SENTENCE STRUCTURE: 'HAD A REPORTED IQ OF APPROXIMATELY 190, WELL ABOVE AVERAGE INTELLIGENCE. Careful analysis of his brain chemistry along with reported statements claim that Einstein’s superior intelligence allowed him to stare into the fourth dimension- time without much effort. SENTENCE STRUCTURE: 'ALLOWED HIM TO VISUALIZE THE FOURTH DIMENSION (TIME) WITHOUT MUCH EFFORT. This superior intellect gave him the ability to make accurate academic conclusions INSERT INSTEAD: PREDICTIONS regarding the space-time continuum and relativity, something which could not have been achieved simply due to hard work.

The issue of intelligence versus effort is a heated topic among the academic community and is difficult to resolve. Nonetheless, as a guideline, a student’s academic success depends on hard work as long as the academic circumstance is of a standardized nature such as the MCAT, a definitive example of a standard exam that measures effort. REPETITION OF 'STANDARD'. However, if the academic situation is of an innovative nature COMMA such as the discovery of something, SHOULD REPHRASE TO SOUND MORE SOPHISTICATED: SUCH AS THE DISCOVERY OF KNOWLEDGE intelligence plays a major role in determining the success of the academic discovery.

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nicolelovat
#7 Posted : Monday, July 12, 2010 4:34:17 PM
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- See in-text corrections below
- Start with a stronger introductory statement with more originality instead of restating the question.
- To achieve a higher score, try and incorporate your definitions into sentences that establish points of view, instead of just listing 'such and such is defined as...'
- You met the minimum requirements for accomplishing each task, but the examples were too numerous, and not complex.
- Careful with using the same word repeatedly in consecutive sentences.


tuvy wrote:
A student's academic success usually depends more on hard work than on intelligence. Hard work is defined as the process of dedicating a large and sometimes excessive amount of time, and effort to a given field of study in an academic setting. Academic success is defined as receiving a high grade. Hard work is more important for high grades in courses where a lot of memorization is required, such foundational or lower level courses. GRAMMAR: 'SUCH AS FOUNDATIONAL OR LOWER-LEVEL COURSES'. An example of such a course is grade-school English, where an emphasis is placed on grammar and spelling. SHOULD INCLUDE 'VERSUS SYNTHESIS'. Another example is Clinical Anatomy, where academic success is largely contingent on memorizing human body parts and their functions. INSTEAD OF WHAT...TRY AND BRING IN THE COMPARISON HERE.

However, academic success depends on intelligence rather than hard work for higher level courses where critical thinking, problem solving, and integration of knowledge is emphasized. YOU USE 'EMPHASIS' AND DERIVATIVES OF THIS WORD TOO MUCH. Intelligence is defined as an individual's ability to comprehend, reason, and apply knowledge in a useful and productive way. These higher-level courses require more than the simplistic regurgitation of data. They build on previous knowledge and places SPELLING: PLACE vital importance on one's ability to thoroughly understand INSERT 'CONCEPTS' OR SOMETHING ALONG THOSE LINES, and apply this knowledge to solve problems. For instance, university-level English courses requires one to produce creative writing, marks are alloted SPELLING: ALLOTTED to style, creativity and insight. To do well, one does not neccessary SPELLING: NECESSARILY have to work hard, but rather, just write well. SENTENCE AWKWARD. To write well, one requires intelligence. HOW HAVE YOU ESTABLISHED THIS? Likewise, a research course in Pathobiology requires higher-level thinking where intelligence, creativity to "think outside the box" and integrate information is more important than the amount of hard work one puts in.

In conclusion, a student's academic success depends more on hard work in a lower-level, memorization type course, but depends more on intelligence in higher-level, critical thinking type courses.

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defeoluc
#8 Posted : Monday, July 12, 2010 8:15:18 PM
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Throughout a child’s education they are taught that they should aim to achieve success in their academic lives. Academic success can be considered achieving good grades or achieving the academic requirements to pursue future career endeavors. Academic success can be attributed to the amount of hard work the student puts in to his or her learning experience. When the student takes a hands on approach to their education -- actively participating in class, completing necessary homework, preparing for evaluations and going beyond the classroom environment to acquire knowledge—he or she can be considered a hard worker. In Ontario grade three, six and nine students across the province write a standardized test in May of that academic year called and EQAO test. The EQAO test tests students on the english and mathematic curriculum taught to them throughout the year. In order to achieve a good grade on the test students must not only recall the information taught to them, but apply concepts and solve problems based on their knowledge. Students will only receive a good grade if they have had significant exposure to applying the concepts and solving problems; this is achieved through the amount of hard work the student has put in throughout the year. Students receive exposure to the testing format by doing homework problems, studying for tests and asking questions in class. Even though the student may be very intelligent, he or she may have not have put in the hard work necessary throughout the year to achieve a good grade.
 
​Intelligence can be considered the capacity of the brain to learn, retain and apply knowledge quickly and comfortably. Intelligence may dictate a student’s academic success more than hard work when a student is trying to get into a specialized program. Many students struggle with mathematical concepts. The student may be an extremely hard worker but his brain is unable to comprehend basic mathematical concepts and problems. When this student attempts to attain his Masters in mathematics he may be saddened at his results. Masters, PhD’s, doctoral programs in specialized areas of study such as mathematics, physics, astronomy all require a certain amount of mathematical intelligence. The previous student may work night and day trying to learn the subject, but if his brain does not have the capacity to learn, retain and apply mathematical concepts comfortably he will not be able to achieve the academic success that he intended on.
 
​Academic success can be achieved most of the time through hard work and diligence. However when success depends more on the capacity of the students brain to learn, retain and apply concepts quickly and comfortably, as when achieving specialized degrees in challenging areas of study, hard work may not be produce the academic success the student was hoping for. There are many cases where a combination of both hard work and intelligence are required for a student to attain academic success. This is the case in medicine where students need to put in hard work throughout their university careers to attain competitive grades for admission. But their brains need to have the capacity to learn, retain and apply knowledge on admissions test like the MCAT in order to achieve the academic success  of entering medical school.
​
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nszabolc
#9 Posted : Monday, July 12, 2010 9:22:36 PM
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Motivational speakers across North America often promote the idea that a person can accomplish anything, as long as they try. These types of beliefs inspire many of today’s students to put forth one hundred percent of their efforts into pursuing their academic aspirations, knowing that hard work and dedication will allow them to succeed. In modern society, a student’s academic success relies more heavily on strong work ethic and effort, as opposed to sole dependence on intelligence. Academic success is the ability to use the knowledge obtained in an educational environment and apply it to achieving an academic goal, one that is usually focused towards success in a quality career path. The grades that a student achieves usually impact their academic success, and intelligence is a large factor of obtaining high grades. Yet, a student who works exceptionally hard and devotes their time to becoming more knowledgeable in a range academic areas are without a doubt capable of obtaining high grades and an overall academic success due to the additional skills developed during the input of hard work. Professional schools in Canada and the United States, such as medical schools and pharmacy schools, have recognized that work ethic, the ability to problem solve, and the ability to maintain interpersonal relationships are just as important, if not more, than pure intelligence, since they develop a more well-rounded candidate for a professional career. A student who relies solely on their intelligence will not obtain the additional skills developed from working diligently in their academic environment, which would hinder them for success in these types of careers.

Although hard work leads to the development of additional skills that are required for academic success, certain academic fields and career paths require individuals to be experts and demonstrate an above average intelligence on particular topics. For instance, for an individual to be successful in a particular area of research, a student must rely solely on their intelligence to be able to make connections between past research and their own observations in order to fabricate ideas for new scientific findings. James Watson, one of the most famous scientists in history, is a current living example of the fact that success in academic research requires high intelligence. In his biography, The Double Helix, he explained that he was the type of student who put in minimal effort and the idea of the double helix was a light bulb moment, or an idea that just popped into his head. He later, along with Crick, won a Nobel Prize for their work together on the double helix and it has become one of the most important scientific discoveries in the world. James Watson demonstrated that hard work did not grant him his academic success, but his intelligence did, and it is doubtful that the average person would have ever been able to propose or grasp such a concept.

Hard work is more important than intelligence for a student to achieve their academic goals and obtain a quality career where they can apply their education. However, high intelligence is required for academic success in certain fields where one is expected to be creative in proposing new ideas on highly advanced topics. Hard work will provide one with an overall academic success, but intelligence will render specific successes that only certain individuals are capable of obtaining.
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nicolelovat
#10 Posted : Monday, July 12, 2010 9:49:09 PM
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Feedback: 3.5/6
- See in-text corrections below
- Various spelling/sentence structure errors
- Excellent flow, but arguments could have been made stronger by more direct explanations (see below) ex. contrasting the hard-work of learning basic math operations vs. the intelligence required to invent those operations.
- Bringing in extra examples (the MCAT at the end) detracts from the focus of the essay.
- Excellent handling of task #1 whereby all terms are defined.


defeoluc wrote:
Throughout a child’s education they are taught that they should aim to achieve success in their academic lives. Academic success can be considered achieving good grades or achieving the academic requirements to pursue future career endeavors. Academic success can be attributed to the amount of hard work the student puts in to his or her learning experience. When the student takes a hands on approach to their education -- SHOULD BE A ';' actively participating in class, completing necessary homework, preparing for evaluations and going beyond the classroom environment to acquire knowledge—he or she can be considered a hard worker. RUN-ON SENTENCE. In Ontario COMMA grade three, six and nine students across the province write a standardized test in May of that academic year called THE EQAO test. The EQAO test tests students on the english (E)nglish and mathematic(S) curriculum taught to them throughout the year. In order to achieve a good grade on the test students must not only recall the information taught to them, but apply concepts and solve problems based on their knowledge. Students will only receive a good grade if they have had significant exposure to applying the concepts and solving problems; this is achieved through DELETE (the amount of) hard work DELETE (the student has put in throughout the year). Students receive exposure to the testing format by doing homework problems, studying DELETE (for tests) and asking questions in class. Even though the student may be very intelligent, he or she may have not have put in the hard work necessary throughout the year to achieve a good grade.
 
​Intelligence can be considered the capacity of the brain to learn, retain and apply knowledge quickly and comfortably. Intelligence may dictate a student’s academic success more than hard work when a student is trying to get into a specialized program. Many students struggle with mathematical concepts. The student may be an extremely hard worker but his brain is unable to comprehend basic mathematical concepts and problems. When this student attempts to attain his Masters in mathematics he may be saddened at his results. Masters, PhD’s, doctoral programs in specialized areas of study such as mathematics, physics, astronomy all require a certain amount of mathematical intelligence. The previous student may work night and day trying to learn the subject, but if his brain does not have the capacity to learn, retain and apply mathematical concepts comfortably he will not be able to achieve the academic success that he intended on. YOU SHOULD CHANGE THE FOCUS HERE TO CENTER MORE ON 'CREATIVE INTELLIGENCE' i.e. NO AMOUNT OF PREPARATION CAN ALLOW SOMEONE TO SOLVE A UNIQUE PROBLEM (WOULD MAKE ARGUMENT MORE STRONG).
 
​Academic success can be achieved most of the time through hard work and diligence. However when success depends more on the capacity of the students brain to learn, retain and apply concepts quickly and comfortably, as when achieving specialized degrees in challenging areas of study, hard work may not be produce the academic success the student was hoping for. There are many cases where a combination of both hard work and intelligence are required for a student to attain academic success. This is the case in medicine where students need to put in hard work throughout their university careers to attain competitive grades for admission. But their brains need to have the capacity to learn, retain and apply knowledge on admissions test like the MCAT in order to achieve the academic success  of entering medical school. DON'T START A SENTENCE WITH 'BUT'.
​
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nicolelovat
#11 Posted : Monday, July 12, 2010 9:57:26 PM
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Feedback: 4/6
- See in-text corrections below
- No spelling errors; great flow
- You have fallen into the trap of picking a side: your introductory paragraph is very strongly in agreement with the statement (instead of following the tasks). Although your essay eventually becomes balanced, this first impression will reduce your score.
- You have also merged many tasks together in the same paragraph: for example, during the first paragraph, you discuss all aspects of the problem instead of separating it out like described in the writing manual (such as the importance of work ethic married to interpersonal skills and and problem solving).
- Your Watson example was excellent and well-supported. If your work-ethic example had been stronger, your score would have been higher.
- Excellent conclusion

nszabolc wrote:
Motivational speakers across North America often promote the idea that a person can accomplish anything, as long as they try. These types of beliefs inspire many of today’s students to put forth one hundred percent of their efforts into pursuing their academic aspirations, knowing that hard work and dedication will allow them to succeed. In modern society, a student’s academic success relies more heavily on strong work ethic and effort, as opposed to sole dependence on intelligence. Academic success is the ability to use the knowledge obtained in an educational environment and apply it to achieving an academic goal, one that is usually focused towards success in a quality career path. The grades that a student achieves usually impact their academic success, and intelligence is a large factor of obtaining high grades. Yet, a student who works exceptionally hard and devotes their time to becoming more knowledgeable in a range academic areas are without a doubt capable of obtaining high grades and an overall academic success due to the additional skills developed during the input of hard work. Professional schools in Canada and the United States, such as medical schools and pharmacy schools, have recognized that work ethic, the ability to problem solve, and the ability to maintain interpersonal relationships are just as important, if not more, than pure intelligence, since they develop a more well-rounded candidate for a professional career. RUN-ON SENTENCE. A student who relies solely on their intelligence will not obtain the additional skills developed from working diligently in their academic environment, which would hinder them for success in these types of careers.

Although hard work leads to the development of additional skills that are required for academic success, certain academic fields and career paths require individuals to be experts and demonstrate an above average intelligence on particular topics. For instance, for an individual to be successful in a particular area of research, a student must rely solely on their intelligence to be able to make connections between past research and their own observations in order to fabricate ideas for new scientific findings. James Watson, one of the most famous scientists in history, is a current living example of the fact that success in academic research requires high intelligence. In his biography, The Double Helix, he explained that he was the type of student who put in minimal effort and the idea of the double helix was a light bulb moment, or an idea that just popped into his head. He later, along with Crick, won a Nobel Prize for their work together on the double helix and it has SINCE become one of the most important scientific discoveries in the world. James Watson demonstrated that hard work did not grant him his academic success, but RATHER his intelligence, and it is doubtful that the average person would have ever been able to propose or grasp such a concept.

Hard work is more important than intelligence for a student to achieve their academic goals and obtain a quality career where they can apply their education. However, high intelligence is required for academic success in certain fields where one is expected to be creative in proposing new ideas on highly advanced topics. Hard work will provide one with DELETE 'AN' overall academic success, but intelligence will render specific successes that only certain individuals are capable of obtaining.

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tuvy
#12 Posted : Tuesday, July 13, 2010 1:02:13 AM
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Hi Nickie,

I was unable to attend the Prep101 lecture concerning the the writing sample, and that was my first attempt at writing one. If you have the time... I would really appreciate it you could quickly once over my second attempt for this prompt. I'm having some difficulty on how to write so that my sentences "flow", and I don't quite understand what makes a good, "complex" example.

Any feedback would be wonderful. Thanks!!

____________________________________________

Success in academia is very valuable in today's society, as it can open doors for future job opportunities and is a good predictor for professional success in later life. Hence, most graduate studies require a candidate to have a high Grade Point Average (GPA) to accept them into their program. GPA is a reflection of one's academic success in university, and it is contingent on both hard work and intelligence.

Hard work can be seen as the dedication of time and energy to the various components of a course, components such as homework assignments, studying, class participation, or independent research into course material. Hard work is more important for fundamental, beginner courses where a lot of memorization and practice is required. An example of such a course is Clinical Anatomy, which is taken by all first year medical students. To obtain a high grade in such a course, hard work is required to memorize the body parts, and to practice identifying them in cadavers, diagrams, and live specimens. Intelligence is not as useful in such a course, because one is not required to use the material learnt to solve problems. In other words, higher level thought is not as important.

Intelligence is the ability to think critically, problem solve, and integrate concepts in a useful, efficient, and creative way. Intelligence is more important in courses that are specialized and need the use of creativity to solve a novel problem. For instance, an independent research course in Pathobiology would benefit from intelligence more than hard work. This is because research and new discoveries require "thinking outside the box" and insight, which cannot be achieved through hard work alone. For instance, paradigmatic shifts and scientific revolutions, such as Einstein's Theory of Relativity, are created in a moment of "sudden realization" that is determined more by one's ability to think, and "see" the answer, rather than dedication and effort.

In conclusion, both intelligence and hard work are imperative to academic achievements. However, depending on the nature of the course, one can be more important than the other. Hard work is of greater relevance to foundational courses requiring a lot of memorization, whereas intelligence is more important to specialized courses involving a high amount of thought and creativity.
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nicolelovat
#13 Posted : Tuesday, July 13, 2010 3:47:38 AM
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Hi Tuvy;

It would be more beneficial for you to attempt new prompts you haven't had time to think about (as the real challenge is to come up with good material in that time window provided to you). Keep in mind a new prompt is posted tomorrow.

Here is some feedback on the new version. Overall, much better written. Only one error that I could spot (see below). The arguments are presented much more clearly, and the essay has a much greater focus. The only thing to improve on would be complexity i.e. thinking of examples that are solid (indisputable) and unique (this comes with practice, depending on your background). Overall I would give this a 5/6.


tuvy wrote:
Hi Nickie,

I was unable to attend the Prep101 lecture concerning the the writing sample, and that was my first attempt at writing one. If you have the time... I would really appreciate it you could quickly once over my second attempt for this prompt. I'm having some difficulty on how to write so that my sentences "flow", and I don't quite understand what makes a good, "complex" example.

Any feedback would be wonderful. Thanks!!

____________________________________________

Success in academia is very valuable in today's society, as it can open doors for future job opportunities and is a good predictor for professional success in later life. Hence, most graduate studies require a candidate to have a high Grade Point Average (GPA) to accept them into their program. GPA is a reflection of one's academic success in university, and it is contingent on both hard work and intelligence.

Hard work can be seen as the dedication of time and energy to the various components of a course, components such as homework assignments, studying, class participation, or independent research into course material. Hard work is more important for fundamental, beginner courses where a lot of memorization and practice is required. An example of such a course is Clinical Anatomy, which is taken by all first year medical students. To obtain a high grade in such a course, hard work is required to memorize the body parts, and to practice identifying them in cadavers, diagrams, and live specimens. Intelligence is not as useful in such a course, because one is not required to use the material learnt ORDER: LEARNED MATERIAL to solve problems. In other words, higher level thought is not as important.

Intelligence is the ability to think critically, problem solve, and integrate concepts in a useful, efficient, and creative way. Intelligence is more important in courses that are specialized and need the use of creativity to solve a novel problem. For instance, an independent research course in Pathobiology would benefit from intelligence more than hard work. This is because research and new discoveries require "thinking outside the box" and insight, which cannot be achieved through hard work alone. For instance, paradigmatic shifts and scientific revolutions, such as Einstein's Theory of Relativity, are created in a moment of "sudden realization" that is determined more by one's ability to think, and "see" the answer, rather than dedication and effort.

In conclusion, both intelligence and hard work are imperative to academic achievements. However, depending on the nature of the course, one can be more important than the other. Hard work is of greater relevance to foundational courses requiring a lot of memorization, whereas intelligence is more important to specialized courses involving a high amount of thought and creativity.

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dhsia
#14 Posted : Tuesday, July 13, 2010 3:54:02 AM
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Hi Nickie, any feedback would be greatly appreciated. Yay here my 1st writing sample....


Doogie Howser, M.D. was a popular television show during the late 1980’s. The show aired for 4 seasons and followed its main character, 16-year-old Doogie Howser as he struggled through his teenage years while practicing as a medical doctor. Doogie, a child genius with an eidetic memory, fast-tracked his way through school. It is fair to assume in his case, that his intelligence played a big part in his academic success. Academic success can mean a lot of different things to different people. To some, it may mean acceptance into a prestigious school, to others, it may mean winning awards and scholarships. In its simplest form, academic success is in the form of good grades. Nowadays, competition in academia is high. Elementary school children have tutors for every subject, and kids spend more time with their face in a book rather than playing outside. In such a climate, it is not enough to just go to class and expect to do well. In education, as in many other aspects of life, hard work can take your potential to the next level. So get out your homework and get studying, even if the test isn’t until next week.

In elementary and high school, great emphasis is put on completing assignments and independent study. This is to ensure that students understand the course material and are able to apply their newly acquired knowledge. Diligent study efforts naturally lead to better grades, and proactive studying can lead to excellent grades. Hard work also allows students to get the most out of their learning experience and opens doors to more academic opportunities. Students with poor work ethic are unlikely to do well, and in fact, may be held back from continuing on to the next grade. They are also less likely to “like” school or pursue higher levels of education.

Higher education seems to be an exclusive club made up of smart people. It is rare to hear of an un-intelligent person graduating cum laude. Perhaps intelligence, a person’s biologically-based capability for abstract thought and understanding, is a better predictor of academic success. An individual’s natural ability to understand concepts may help them to do well on exams, even without much effort. Conversely, students who are not blessed with great intelligence may find the curriculum too difficult, become discouraged, and withdraw from academia altogether. The reality of it is that academic success is easier to attain when the appropriate mental faculties are in place.

The Doogie Howsers, geniuses of the world, were clearly dealt a very good hand. They started off smarter, and probably did not have to work very hard to understand new concepts. But intelligence is merely the potential for greater achievement. It is a student’s job to work hard, even through seemingly hopeless exam schedules, to make the grade. Intelligence sets the stage, but what happens next is up to the student. A wise student will see every lecture, assignment, or test has an opportunity to learn and explore. From this perspective, a student’s academic career may begin with a promising IQ score, but will soar into success if effort is put into working hard.
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nicolelovat
#15 Posted : Tuesday, July 13, 2010 8:20:07 PM
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Feedback:3.5/6
- Some grammatical & spelling errors
- You define 'academic success' in multiple ways: stick to one definition.
- Elaborate more on how Doogie's career was more intelligence than success (i.e. throw something in about him being naturally intelligent, and not as hard-working). This argument should come 2nd, as the statement is 'hard work > intelligence'.
- You make many claims regarding hard work, but you don't back these up with any examples. Lacks focus.
- Way too long: you have 4 paragraphs going (you should be maxing out at 3)...organize your thoughts according to the manual. Detracts from focus.
- Nice conclusion.


dhsia wrote:
Hi Nickie, any feedback would be greatly appreciated. Yay here my 1st writing sample....


Doogie Howser, M.D. was a popular television show during the late 1980’s. The show aired for 4 seasons and followed its main character, 16-year-old Doogie Howser as he struggled through his teenage years while practicing as a medical doctor. Doogie, a child genius with an eidetic memory, fast-tracked his way through school. It is fair to assume in his case, that his intelligence played a big part in his academic success. Academic success can mean a lot of different things to different people. To some, it may mean acceptance into a prestigious school, to others, it may mean winning awards and scholarships. In its simplest form, academic success is in the form of good grades. Nowadays, competition in academia is high. Elementary school children have tutors for every subject, and kids spend more time with their face in a book rather than playing outside. In such a climate, it is not enough to just go to class and expect to do well. In education, as in many other aspects of life, hard work can take your potential to the next level. So get out your homework and get studying, even if the test isn’t until next week.

In elementary and high school, great emphasis is put on completing assignments and independent study. This is to ensure that students understand the course material and are able to apply their newly acquired knowledge. Diligent study efforts naturally lead to better grades, and proactive studying can lead to excellent grades. Hard work also allows students to get the most out of their learning experience and opens doors to more academic opportunities. Students with poor work ethic are unlikely to do well, and in fact, may be held back from continuing on to the next grade. They are also less likely to “like” school or pursue higher levels of education.

Higher education seems to be an exclusive club made up of smart people. It is rare to hear of an un-intelligent person graduating cum laude. Perhaps intelligence, a person’s biologically-based capability for abstract thought and understanding, is a better predictor of academic success. An individual’s natural ability to understand concepts may help them to do well on exams, even without much effort. Conversely, students who are not blessed with great intelligence may find the curriculum too difficult, become discouraged, and withdraw from academia altogether. The reality of it is that academic success is easier to attain when the appropriate mental faculties are in place.

The Doogie Howsers, geniuses of the world, were clearly dealt a very good hand. They started off smarter, and probably did not have to work very hard to understand new concepts. But intelligence is merely the potential for greater achievement. It is a student’s job to work hard, even through seemingly hopeless exam schedules, to make the grade. Intelligence sets the stage, but what happens next is up to the student. A wise student will see every lecture, assignment, or test has an opportunity to learn and explore. From this perspective, a student’s academic career may begin with a promising IQ score, but will soar into success if effort is put into working hard.

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NNC
#16 Posted : Thursday, July 15, 2010 5:03:12 PM
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A student's academic success depends more on hard work than on intelligence.

High academic achievements rely mostly upon persistence and practice than on innate intelligence. Thomas Edison’s quote, “Genius is 1% inspiration and 99% perspiration” relates to how a person like Bill gates became as successful as he is. Being one of the richest men today, Bill gates worked on computers when they were first available to the public. During high school and first year of university Bill gates spent tremendous hours on learning and writing programs. By the time he dropped out of university and started his business, he was one of the very few people who could write a programming code as efficiently and creatively. Today his success is looked upon as one of the most critical advancement in technology and it came through persistence and many hours of practice.

The 1% inspiration is also important. This is where a person like Sir Isaac Newton was able to learn about gravity. Gravity is an important phenomenon that affects every aspect of our lives. There is no amount of hard work that can achieve theorizing about gravity except for asking questions and connecting together the knowledge one has accumulated.

Academic success is more dependent on diligence when the knowledge is already available. Diligence helps to build ones knowledge database to further increase the use of innate intelligence. Without hard work, one’s understanding of existing concepts would be fairly limited. Innate intelligence is important on making new discoveries especially by further improving and questioning existing trends of thought.
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nicolelovat
#17 Posted : Wednesday, July 21, 2010 5:41:42 PM
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Feedback: 4/6
- Nice quote.
- Capitalization errors in proper names (Bill Gates not Bill gates)
- Nice examples. Well-supported. Nice conclusion.
- Sentence structures can be confusing at times...missing or substituted words make some difficult to interpret. Try reading your essay aloud to yourself in order to spot these problem sentences. If the language had been more sophisticated, and the flow had been better, you would have received a higher mark.

NNC wrote:
A student's academic success depends more on hard work than on intelligence.

High academic achievements rely mostly upon persistence and practice than on innate intelligence. Thomas Edison’s quote, “Genius is 1% inspiration and 99% perspiration” relates to how a person like Bill gates became as successful as he is. Being one of the richest men today, Bill gates worked on computers when they were first available to the public. During high school and first year of university Bill gates spent tremendous hours on learning and writing programs. By the time he dropped out of university and started his business, he was one of the very few people who could write a programming code as efficiently and creatively. Today his success is looked upon as one of the most critical advancement in technology and it came through persistence and many hours of practice.

The 1% inspiration is also important. This is where a person like Sir Isaac Newton was able to learn about gravity. Gravity is an important phenomenon that affects every aspect of our lives. There is no amount of hard work that can achieve theorizing about gravity except for asking questions and connecting together the knowledge one has accumulated.

Academic success is more dependent on diligence when the knowledge is already available. Diligence helps to build ones knowledge database to further increase the use of innate intelligence. Without hard work, one’s understanding of existing concepts would be fairly limited. Innate intelligence is important on making new discoveries especially by further improving and questioning existing trends of thought.
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