Feedback: 2.5/6
- Your opening statement "‘Survival of the fittest’, a key underlying principle in Charles Darwin’s theory of evolution, basically dictates that, the strongest, fastest, and best looking will survive, while the weak, slow and the ugly die off." is a run-on sentence. As well, it doesn't ring true...how does 'survival of the fittest' dictate strong/fast/good-looking? These are unsubstantiated claims.
- How is the notion of survival embedded in speech/activities? You don't support this either.
- You need to define survival.
- Instead of the preamble at the beginning of paragraph 1, spend more time developing the Allies vs. Germans example.
- Careful with run-on sentences.
- Your 2nd example loses focus as you bring in too many details ex. 'Barack Obama has to keep his troops there' etc.
- Instead of choosing a negative example (where military strength FAILED to provide survival), provide a positive example (where some other force ALLOWED or PROMOTED survival).
- Nice conclusion.
defeoluc wrote:‘Survival of the fittest’, a key underlying principle in Charles Darwin’s theory of evolution, basically dictates that, the strongest, fastest, and best looking will survive, while the weak, slow and the ugly die off. This notion of survival is clearly embedded in our everyday speech and activity, but can it be extended to a nation? War is a creation of mankind, and a reality that affects the lives of almost every human being. In order to protect themselves, countries will spend billions of dollars on the formation of an army, ultimately for the protection and survival of that specific nation. This power is evident in World War II, where the Allies were trying to defeat the Axis, with the intention of destroying Hitler’s regime. The Allies, with their larger numbers and better technology, proved to be a stronger army and had the upper hand, eventually overcoming the Axis and winning the war. Evidently showing that in times of war, a strong army can be a crucial difference to a nation’s survival.
In some cases, like when the country is ravished with internal conflict, the strength of the army is unlikely to be of much use in combating the nations own people. A strong example of this is Iraq and its current state. After the US invaded Iraq and successfully put a halt to Saddam Hussein’s regime, one of the top priorities was to help Iraq build its own army in order for it too gain independence and be able to stop the violence amongst its people. After 7 years, this Iraq army is of little use and the country is still war ravished, obligating Barack Obama to keep his troops there in hopes of rehabilitating the nation to one day provide a safe society for its citizens. Iraq’s deficiency at maintaining social order within the country shows that the strength of the military, when dealing with internal conflict, is not directly related to its ability to survive.
War and military are often tough topics for people to agree on, especially when so many people are suffering from its harmful effects. However, the strength of a military shows its obvious benefits to survival when nations are dealing with international conflict, evident in WWII when the Allies defeated the Axis because of the greater strength off the military. On the other hand, the survival of a nation can not be best protected by a strong military in the case of internal conflict within that nation. Iraq still faces rebellion and fighting from its people despite its growing army.