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Prompt #5 (Nickie)
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nicolelovat
#21 Posted : Tuesday, August 10, 2010 3:13:03 PM
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- Various spelling errors throughout
- How does the statement that others pursue riches demonstrate the a person obtains a fortune AT THE EXPENSE of other people. This claim is not substantiated.
- You need to transition better between your definitions and your examples.
- What do you mean by "While his fortune may not be as "great" as a person like Bill Gates," i.e. what are the quotations for?
- Don't introduce Bill Gates in your first paragraph...you can't really make this kind of comparison until after you've explained the Bill Gates example.
- Nice conclusion, although the sentence structures can be confusing. Try to read it aloud to yourself to help spot the areas that take a couple reads to understand.


ANSWER TO QUESTION:
- Your opening example is great because even though there has been no 'proof of guilt', it is a widely accepted concept that they are guilty of this i.e. its not controversial.

Kalie wrote:


While many people truly believe that money can't buy happiness, there are those that live their lives in the persuit of riches. The above statement demonstrates that often a person will obtain a great fourtune at the expense of other people - whether it be in terms of a persons income or their happiness. A "great" fortune can be defined as a sum of money hundreds of times larger than the average person in the country of the rich person of interest. For example, there is an international trial occuring concerning the President of Liberia. Part of the trial focuses on his involvement in the trade of diamonds, where the President is accused of using "blood diamonds" (diamonds used to strengthen a military force in times of war). If guilty of these accusations, then the use of these diamonds would have enahnced his political career, and therefore his fortune, at the cost of the citizens of Liberia. If the diamonds had been used for legal trade instead, there would have been a increase in the number of jobs available in the country, and Liberia's economy would have benefited. While his fortune may not be as "great" as a person like Bill Gates, it is great in relation to the poverty in which the majority of Liberia's citizens live.

However, there are also people that have earned their fortune honestly. Bill Gates, the founder of the company Microsoft, is a multi-billionaire who earned his fortune through hard work and intelligence. At no time has his fortune come from the expense of others - he simply met the demands of a growing market. Bill Gates continues to expand on his fortune by continually adapting to the needs and wants of consumers, and does so without jeopordizing the happiness or livelihood of others. In addition, he spreads his good fortune by donating generously to charities all around the globe. In this way, it is possible to make a great fortune without hurting the hapiness or livelihoods of others.

In conclusion, one can determine whether or not a fortune has been made at the expense of others by analyzing those around the rich person One can be accused of gaining a fortune at the expense of otheris if they have taken money from people, especially illegally, or if others have been directly harmed in the fortune bearers quest for riches. However, while some people gain their fortune at the expense of others, it is not the only path that can be taken. Like Bill Gates, fortunes can be made through intelligence and hard work, by meeting a market demand and continuing to adapt to those around you. This illustrates that not all great fortunes are made at the expense of other people.

Finished just on time. I struggled with finding an example for the first paragraph - is it ok to use a person who has not been proven guilty? I felt like it still illustrated the point, but I could not think of another better and more specific example...

Thanks so much!
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nicolelovat
#22 Posted : Tuesday, August 10, 2010 3:17:16 PM
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- Your opening sentence would be much improved by leaving out 'or so it would seem so'.
- Stay away from statements of facts in a definitive way, if you aren't actually correct or confident of them. For example "It is public knowledge that tobacco smoke is harmful and is the leading cause of heart disease and death in North America" is a false statement...it is not the LEADING cause of heart disease and death.
- Excellent first example.
- Nice 2nd example as well...I like how you stayed within the 'health expense' theme.
- Decent resolution, but it is awkwardly worded i.e. difficult to read once and understand the sentence structures.
- Good control of language in general.


defeoluc wrote:
Money makes the world go around…or so it would seem so. In today’s business world, everyone is trying to strike a fortune, or at least make a decent enough wage to support a family with the ever growing cost of living. Far too often companies will go to great lengths to create a fortune, even if it comes at the expense of the consumer’s health. This is most notable seen in the tobacco industry. It is public knowledge that tobacco smoke is harmful and is the leading cause of heart disease and death in North America. Yet tobacco companies, such as Marlboro, still bring in millions of dollars a year through the sale of their products. The cigarettes are loaded with many additives which make it hard for smokers to quit. Thus, regardless of the consumers understanding of the risks involved the tobacco companies still receive a huge demand for their product, and as a result lead one of the largest businesses in the modern world. This shows that in some situations, regardless of the expense to the consumer, in this case a health expense, some companies will go to great lengths to create a fortune.

There are certain situations where companies can make a great fortune, however there is no expense taken from the consumer. In fact, in ideal situations, a great fortune can be made while actually benefiting the health of the consumer. This idea is seen often in the 21st century. With more and more scientific research done, the benefits of being in shape and keeping a health body are becoming ever evident. This causes a growing demand for doctors; however because of the strenuous education and training needed in order to become a medical practitioner, greater incentives, such as larger salaries and more benefits, are needed in order to meet the demand. Most people would agree that the rising salaries of doctors are worth the benefit of good medical care. This sort of profession can be seen as gaining a great fortune, however benefiting the consumer for a mutualistic relationship.

This issue of consumer expense is not black and white. However it stands to reason that when companies are negatively affecting the health of their consumers, then their fortunes are coming at an expense to the people. This is seen through companies like Marlboro whom sell a product that is a leading cause of death. However, when a company’s product is benefiting the people, then the fortune is justified and is not coming at the expense of the people. This is again evident in the health care industry, where doctors make large salaries in exchange for the benefit of human health care.
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nicolelovat
#23 Posted : Tuesday, August 10, 2010 3:24:49 PM
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- EXCELLENT opening example. I love how you set the tone in the opening statements, and then transitioned nicely into your example & prompt.
- Decent 2nd example, and although it has to do with the automobile industry, you still are staying within the same them (inventions). My only concern is that the automobile example is somewhat muddled. Are you talking about the invention of the car, or the assembly line? Its not clear. Perhaps a better example to match your first would be the Polio vaccine...the inventor gave this to the public and still gained much fortune.
- Your resolution does not ring true...I can think of examples (such as sweat shops) where inventions that save product costs are at the expense of others. A superior resolution would have focused on monopoly vs. market competition or something along those lines.

jblom wrote:

Progress in society is marked by every new invention. Often new ideas or contraptions are how historians identify an "age". Historians often measure the success of an invention by the monetary wealth accumulated by the inventor. However, what historians often do not consider how new inventions can harm the private financial security of the general populus. It is in this way that millionairres who make their money from the sales of a new product gain thier title of wealth at the expense of consumers. For example, Abbott Laboratories is one of the largest pharmaceutical giants in North America. The company takes pride in their efforts to find cures for diseases and to develop medications to suppress the symptoms of those diseases which they cannot cure. In recent years, the company developed a drug fundamental in the modern treatment of HIV/AIDS patients. The drug, given the generic name Norvir, was considered a sweeping success, and became a tremendous help to patients in need. However, in 2003, the company decided that due to its manopoly on the drug's structure, it could dictate its market value. As a result, Abbott laboratories raised the price of Norvir from just over US$1.00 to over US$8.00. As a result, the company made millions of dollars, and the expense of millions of HIV/AIDS patients who were spending all they had on medication. In this case, the company clearly made their "fortune" at the expense of the monetary comfort of HIV/AIDS patients.

Although many come to great success by exploiting other people, some famous millionaires gather their fortunes by the invention of products which come at no expense to the consumer. A prime example of this is the evolution of Ford Automobiles. Before Henry Ford, the automobile was a supreme luxury item, only afforded by the wealthy elite of society. Henry Ford's invention of the assembly line resulted in the ability to produce automobiles with much less cost. He created a whole new market by offering affordable automobiles to the middle class. Not only did he gain a fortune, but he also provided a means of efficient transportation to millions of Americans. Ford's fortune was in no way amounted at the expense of others, in fact his wealth is only representative of the millions of dollars that he saved for his fellow Americans.

All too often, history presents itself with many wealthy elite who amassed their fortunes at the expense of others. However, there are some cases, where citizens amount fortune and fame without exploiting other people. Perhaps it can be said that great fortunes are made at the expense of other people except when fortune comes from the invention of a product designed not to exploit those who need it, but to reduce product costs. It is in this way that Henry Ford was able to accumulate such wealth, and create a product known and used world wide.
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kimmarie
#24 Posted : Friday, June 17, 2011 11:07:51 PM
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Is it absolute then that while one party benefits, the other suffers? There are many situations where this holds true and a few that show the contrary. What a party decribes as great fortune is specific to them and depends wholly on what that individual values in their life. For one party it may be education and for another it may be getting that profitable business deal. If fortune has come to that party then it means that it has not gone into someone else. It is also likely that obtaining that fortune has caused someone else saddness or suffering. On a large scale when we look at international relations we can see where this statement can hold true. For example when the Chinese government decided to take over Tibet they acquired large amounts of land and wealth. For them this may be understood as great fortune. However the Tibentan people were undermined, lost their basic human rights and were driven away from everything that they had known. The chinese wealth was at the expense of the Tibetan people.

But is this always the case that while one benefits the other one suffers? Fortune can also come without the other person suffering and even in some cases the fortune can positively affect other people. This is best shown by the example of the many technological advances that have been made in the business world that increase profitability and efficiency. By those in the business world this can indeed be seen as a great benefit. In the situation where the knowledge of such a new technology is shared with others rightfully and justly, then no one has been expensed.

It is therefore important to consider firstly the means by which great fortune has come and how this fortune is going to be used. These two criteria will determine whether or not others suffer in the process. In the example with the Chinese invasion of Tibet it is clear that the violent means by which this was done created suffering for the Tibetan people. In the example of technological advances, if there was no exploitation of any party in creating this technology, then we can partially say that it was not at the expense of others, however we must also look at how this technology is to be used. That will also be a determining factor as to whether another party experiences benefits or losses and will tell if the statement that while one wins the other one suffers holds true to all situations.
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